Monday, November 3, 2014

Etiquette for The Parent Trap

And now, time for...

"Everyday Etiquette"

This week's etiquette lesson comes to us from the chapter entitled:

Let's join our lesson, already in progress...

I have twin daughters who, since my divorce, have lived mainly with me and my second husband. Now they are being married in church. Is it all permissible for my two husbands to participate in the double ceremony? Could their own father escort one of the girls and my present husband escort the other? -Mrs. J.S., Waco, Texas

No, both your husbands may not take part in the ceremony. Your first husband, the father of the girls, could escort the first-born twin, and they may be followed by the second daughter escorted by another male relative-an uncle or an older brother, a cousin or a close older male friend of the family. Or the father may escort first one daughter, then return for the second, remaining to give both away if the ceremony calls for this. Your present husband remains with you in your pew.

-Okay, first of all, anyone else picturing Haley Mills and Haley Mills?

-So the second daughter can be escorted by "another male relative-an uncle or an older brother, a cousin or a close older male friend of the family" - or her doctor, the limo driver, that one homeless guy you gave a quarter to last week. ANYONE BUT THEIR STEPFATHER. It would be better to make their father walk up and down the aisle multiple times, making us wait even LONGER for cake, than it would to let their stepfather, someone they've been mainly living with, walk one of them down the aisle. Come on people, duh.

-Seriously, if you let their stepfather take part in the ceremony, there will be hell to pay. He remains with you in your pew where he can not take part in anything. That's the etiquette way!

-Here's a thought: it's your wedding, you can have Ronald McDonald walk you down the aisle if you want to. Done and done.

And that concludes another lesson in "Everyday Etiquette". Please tune in next week when we will learn what to do when we (as a Doctor's wife) hates getting presents from patients. dum dum DUM!

**Questions and Answers from "Everday Etiquette: Answers to Today's Etiquette Questions" by Amy Vanderbilt, 1952-1956** Snark provided by yours's all for fun, people! ;)

Monday, October 20, 2014

Three Magic Words

Hi everyone! Today is my birthday and what better way to celebrate than pork! Hmmm...I should probably explain that...

One of my favorite vintage things are menus. Home entertaining dinner menus to be exact. Drinks, two or three appetizers, main course, salads, breads, desserts, it's all there and in high numbers. For whatever reason, I just find it fascinating. Maybe because I make a meat, a vegetable and one other thing, bada bing bada boom and I'm out of the kitchen. lol Or could just be because it all looks so fancy.

At any rate, I was watching a collection of Christmas shorts by the guys at RiffTrax and one of the shorts was "Three Magic Words" from 1939, created to promote pork. In it, "Mrs. Newlywed" has to make a dinner for her husband and guests and for some reason has no clue what animal pork comes from. (?!) But get past her crazy high pitched wailing and you've got a cutesy short with a ridiculously long menu for a woman who thinks pork comes from sheep. I immediately grabbed a screen print of it:

Now is that a menu or is that a MENU??? I just love it although I admit I had no clue what the heck half of it was. I figured out that the "paprika lettuce" was just lettuce with the ends dipped in paprika. But celery stuffed with Braunschweiger and Cervelat Cornucopias filled with cream cheese mixed with butter? I had no clue. I couldn't find the specific recipes for these but I did find out that Braunschweiger is liverwurst and Cervelat is sausage and my chest immediately started to hurt. Although, I might have to try that sausage stuffed with cream cheese and butter. Sure, I'll probably die but I bet it tastes good. :P

If you're interested, I found the entire short, unriffed, on You Tube, enjoy...and eat more pork! ;)

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